Infamous fictional "singleton" Bridget Jones had lots of interesting - and very humorous - theories on the dating game. And though she ultimately proved successful in landing her dreamboat man, her approach was hardly a role model for dating success.
Whether you're a singleton, recently divorced or just out of the love loop for any number of reasons, dating can be daunting. It needn't be. One of the most important attributes for successful dating is confidence - and that can be developed.
The most important attributes for successful dating is confidence.Men and women are looking for, and attracted to, confidence in a dating partner. This means self-assured, personal confidence, rather than anything that looks at all like arrogance or one-upmanship. Genuine confidence is not to be confused with external consumer status symbols such as money, looks or possessions.
But there are things you can do, and not do, to present yourself as a person with real confidence:
- Have a genuine and warm smile.
- Keep your posture straight, upright and confident looking, but also relaxed.
- Look your date straight in the eye - don't keep glancing down, or have your eyes darting around the room.
- Avoid nervous gestures and habits, this is mainly for men, tapping your foot under the table, clicking your pen and fiddling with the drinks coaster.
- Keep your conversation topics uplifting and positive. Definitely avoid complaining about previous relationships!
- Be prepared to confidently tell your date about yourself, sharing relevant and interesting stories etc., but don't bale up the conversation, with long accounts of the intricacies of your life - for instance office politics!
- Listen attentively, and reflect back the feeling of what your date is saying, so they feel understood.
- When your date shares something from their heart, be sure to match the sincerity - never make light of it, or joke about it - this will kill respect.
- Don't ask deeply personal or intrusive questions on your first date - remember the development of any relationship follows a natural progression over time.
- In preparation for your date always keep your mind filled with positive mental pictures of a successful date - if you let your thoughts be overtaken with fears of failure you will communicate just that fear! This is almost certain to sabotage your date.
In summary, confidence means you're able to:
- talk without showing nervousness
- listen actively while your date is talking and
- relax and enjoy the time, and company, without projecting any other agendas
