Having your first child is one of the most daunting and amazing things you will do in your life. You could fill a nursery with the raft of books and DVDs that are available on the topic of parenting. Try not to be overawed by the sea of information that is out there. An astonishing number of people have raised children before you decided to give it a go. It might feel like climbing Everest some days, but Edmund Hillary you are not.
Here are a few simple suggestions that may help to clear your mind and assist you during this transition in your life (and be sure to add your own suggestions below).
Kick-off
Congratulations. Someone wants you to be the father of their children. Most women will think long and hard before they come to this conclusion about anyone. Take this conclusion for what it is – one almighty compliment.
Now that it’s game on, make an effort to involve yourself in the pregnancy. Your partner is likely to be a little more enthusiastic than you at first. This is completely normal, and chances are you will catch up with her eventually.
Most hospitals run antenatal classes, and unless you are on 24-hour missile watch or are helping to rebuild East Timor, you should attend these with your partner. You will learn how to navigate your way around the hospital, and much more.
Grand final day
It’s time for the big dance, and it’s time for you to feel nervous, helpless, emotionally exhausted and amazed – usually in that order.
Listen to your midwife and obstetrician and take advice. They are there to make this as easy as possible, even if it isn’t.
Unless your partner has suggested otherwise, it’s probably best to remain behind the crease at the bowler’s end. Offer encouragement – perhaps not ‘well played’ – but words to that effect.
Some labour wards now have cable televisions. If you try to find the sports channel, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Just pretend you never saw the TV and get on with the task at hand. You can do it.
Mad Monday
Many first-time parents experience an overwhelming epiphany as they exit the hospital car park with their newly extended family.
Yes...this little person is completely dependent on you.
It’s a little bit scary, and it’s likely your partner is quietly thinking the same thing. Say something. Talking is good.
Once you’re home, try to establish some level of routine in your lives. Babies usually love it, and you will find a routine quite liberating if you can pull it off.
I’m no expert on the subject, but there seems to be plenty of people who are. Take as much or as little advice as you think you need. If you stumble across something that works, embrace it and don’t let go.
Spend as much time at home as your finances and employment circumstances allow. If possible, I suggest postponing visits from family and friends for at least a few days. You are about to go through an enormous period of adjustment, and this is a good time to simplify your life as much as you can. You don’t have to shave, shift furniture or sharpen the mower blades. Just be there.
Your relationship
Giving birth is not an entirely easy thing to do. Unless you are one of the few Australian men that have stopped an outboard motor with your groin, chances are you haven’t experienced pain and discomfort to match it.
Given this, your partner may need time to recover from the experience. This is a reasonable request. So, for a while at least, it’s hugs and support and reminding someone how wonderful they are. Beyond that, you’ll have to find your own way home.
Your partner will appreciate your patience and support, and you’ll be the first to know when it’s time to start working on baby number two.
Your child
Cute aren’t they?
Dive in and give it a red hot go. Roll around on the floor like you own the place. Change nappies, first with both hands, then one, then while drinking a glass of milk. Your friends will be impressed, and if they aren’t, find new friends. Jump in the bath and throw toys at each other. Read them a story every night you can – I recommend The Lorax, Hop on Pop and just about everything else Dr Seuss wrote.
Most importantly, try to have fun. There will be days when you will feel like screaming into a pillow. When this happens, try screaming into a pillow. Then go and have fun again.
Good luck to you all.
What are your parenting survival suggestions? Share your advice below.
Here's a word of advice for the first-time dads.
If you have to go into surgery during the birth, and the midwife hands you a gown and asks you to 'get changed', you are supposed to keep the rest of your clothes on.
Those surgeries are very cold.